9/11

The work featrued here is work created as a dierct result of being on the 91st Floor of the North Tower when the first plane flew into the building on 9/11.  I was part of an artist residency run by The Lower Manhattan Cultural Council, and arrived at the studio at 6am that morning to paint the sunrise.  It has only been in recent years that I have begun to make work that reflects how the experience of that day effected me and continues to.

 

‘WHEN THE WIND BLOWS’

When I first came back from New York after 9/11, the wind blowing was a very real fear. I would experience an overwhelming anxiety if I knew I had to go out in strong winds, I was even nervous being inside as I imagined a tree falling in on the building and being trapped inside. I found myself driving, white-knuckled, at 30-mph along a 70-mph limit through horizontal rain imagining the wind flipping the car off the road and I’d end up trapped underneath.

Wind and storms do not bother me to the same extent anymore but there has been an inner storm that never really stopped blowing all these years, it just presented itself stronger sometimes more than others.  Last year I was part of Bafta nominated documentary ‘Surviving 9/11’.  On the build-up to filming and unsure how I was feeling about being involved, I found myself saying out loud some of my deepest fears and anxieties which were making me feel vulnerable again. However difficult it was, I am thankful for this, as it has allowed me to start addressing some of these wounds that have never properly healed.

After the filming and on the lead up to the 20-year anniversary, I felt a very deep need to create this piece ‘When The Wind Blows’ as it expressed how I have felt for so long.  It is very much a work in progress, but I am grateful to have my artwork for this.

 

‘LEFT BEHIND’

On September 11th, 2001, I was on the 91st floor of the North Tower, as part of an artist residency run by the Lower Manhattan Cultural Council, when the first plane hit two floors above me.  Finally escaping the building after making my way down 91 flights of stairs, I looked up to see a thick cloud coming down above me.  I started to run across the street to try and get away, but the cloud of smoke and debris was down before making it to the other side.  While running to cross the road, and all in a matter of seconds but seemed like slow motion, I twisted over on one of my flip flops, so kicked it off.  I stood hunched over in darkness for a time that felt like it would never end.  As the air was clearing, I had managed to get some water from a fire engine which had unknowingly been right infront of me all the time, an officer asked if I wanted to get away from this.  Looking back, I could see my flip flop appearing out from the rubble.  Telling the officer, I needed to go back for it, his reply was 'I think you have more important things to worry about' and escorted me away.

The image of my flip flop appearing out from the rubble is an image that has stayed very strong in my head and something over the years I thought I would make into a painting but never did.  Only recently since working with metal, I found myself really needing to make this piece.  Steel and plaster were the right materials to truly reflect what this piece represents.

This work not about the physical shoe but about a part of me that was left behind that day.  The me before knowing what it was like to experience trauma and the effect it would continue to have of me.

 

'LONELINESS OF PTSD'

Throughout the process of making my sculptures, I spend a lot of time playing with light and shadow to create inspiration for my 2-dimensional work.  I have often wondered how to express in an artwork how lonely suffering from PTSD can be.  It was while making 'When The Wind Blows' and taking photos of it, this photo completely captured this very feeling.

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